I have PTSD so a lot of the time I get somewhat emotional easily especially when I am low or out of my medication till I see the Doctor again like I am now. PTSD is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for those who don’t know what it stands for. So please bear through this with me. I, like every one, have fears. We all do at one time or another. How we live with this fear is some of the hardest things we will ever do. You have to face them head on at times. And there are times that you do not know what to do to cope with these fears. And with that it brings on heartache more times than anything else. You can have a fear so bad that you want to tell someone about what is causing you this fear but you don’t know who you can talk to, someone who will understand what you are going through because they have been through the same thing and will be there for you just like you try to be there for them no matter what.
This fear is a secret, a secret that you have kept for about four decades because the fear that you have inside of this secret it eats away at your resolve to let it go and face your fear. You fear that if the fear is known, people will look at or treat you in a different way. It affects your relationships with those closest to you because this fear makes you over protective toward the ones you love. You want to wrap your arms around them holding them tight so no harm comes to them and not realizing that you are holding on too tight and causing to them a different type of hurt and fear because you are suffocating them in the process. This also causes your loved ones to think that you are weird and in turn pushes the ones you care about, love and need the most away from you when you need them the most.
All this brings the tears that you silently and alone bear so no one else feels your pain and learns the secret fear that you face alone each and every day of your life. The fear that makes you do things different from what you would normally do if you didn’t have this fear. When you are disabled as well and can’t do the things that you used to could do to made you happy it make things worse off for all evolved. When it is at a point that even traveling to see the ones you love is something that you can not do because the pain that you live with everyday it causes a different type of pain. It causes a heartache that is too much to bear without the friends and family that you love there for you for support. But, because of the secret fear that you live with it makes having that special friend that you really need harder to come by. When you have PTSD and seven herniated disk affecting the nerve roots of the spine this makes life and everything connected with it that much harder to bear the “Heartaches of the Tears and Secret Fears.”
