Thursday, November 18, 2010

Early Memories by Kuyong Chuin (Pseudonym)

My earliest childhood memory was when I  probably 2 or so years old. We had just gotten home from church on a hot and sunny afternoon. I was wearing a short sleeved white shirt and a little light blue set of short overalls like jumper with a matching hat. I was still outside in the front yard and had not gone into the house yet. I picked up this red triangle thing that had a shiny thing that spun on the top of it with a long green thing attached to it. I was still too young to know what this fun thing to play with was yet. I then got the first surprise of my life when the shiny thing started spinning on its own and started spaying me with water. After that I didn’t pick up that sprinkler ever again after that because at the time it scared me to pick it up. I learned to play in the water while it was on but never picked it up again.
Seem to me that in the first 7 years of my life most of the things I remember are the times I was in the greatest state of emotion. Some good but mostly the times I was scared or very upset are the memories that I remember most. Some things my mind blocked out and to this day I still only remember parts of those times that were blocked out of my mind. For example, I remember the names of every homeroom teacher I ever had but one, even though I can see what see looked like, my mind blocked out her name. I guess because she was the meanest teacher I ever had and if she did the things she did to me back then today she wouldn’t be a teacher at the very least.
We did not have a kindergarten where we lived when I was little. Because of when I was born I was normally the youngest in my class most of the time growing up. When I started the first grade I was 4 almost 5 years old, I turned 5 a few weeks after school started, the only ting I remember from the first grade was my teacher, Miss Jackson, who was a very sweet person and that we did a time capsule that I really wish I remembered what year we was suppose to open it.  But other than that I have no memories of anything else that year. My second grade year is where my mind blocked things out. That is the teacher whose name is still lost to me. She is the teacher that because I was left handed and having problems with the items that were made for a right handed person would break wooden rulers over the back of my hands. I am not talking about the thin cheap rulers they make today, but the thick wooden rulers that had the metal strip that ran down the side of then for the straight edge on the ruler. I was switched over to right handed but I can write with ether hand even to this day but I right slowed left handed because I don’t normally write left handed. I do shoot firearms and a bow left handed even today.
There were other things that I remember from those early years growing up in South Carolina. Some things that still make me smile, things that make me upset, and yet other things that just stand out in my memory from those early years. Like watching the first man on the moon landing and when they came back and splashed down on TV from the daycare I went to while Mom and Dad was at work. I remember going over to my grandparent’s house on Sunday afternoons for dinner with all my Cousins, Aunts, and Uncles and all the cousins going outside playing games. Watching my first wrestling match on TV with my cousins over their house then going out back and “wrestling” in their homemade ring out back. Getting my first bike and then having to learn to ride it without the training wheels on it only to have some of the bigger kids take my bike from me and lay a piece of plywood over it and use it for a ramp and in the process destroying my bike.  There were other things that upset me so bad that they still effect me today and I am not comfortable talking about much less putting them into words on here. I will be adding to this as time goes on.

Friday, November 12, 2010

The time has come to say goodbye.

The time has come to say goodbye.

You went to say hello to the world on high.

As time passes, you, we will never forget.

Our lives made better for us having met.

Our hearts are heavy and our knees are weak.

It is more time together that we did seek.

Our eyes water and begin to weep.
As you have went to your eternal sleep.
Even though this much time has passed,
Our love for you will always last.
We know you are an Angel up above.
Looking down upon the ones you do love.
So even though from this world you had to part,
You will always be here in our hearts.

Dedicated to “Teri” Teresa Lynn Dale
Jan 23, 1968 to Nov 21, 1998

Sunday, November 7, 2010

He is My Buddy, My Hero, and My Nephew by Kuyong Chuin (Pseudonym) Sunday November 7, 2010 16:04

Dedicated to my nephew in the US Army’s 101st Airborne.


Long ago in the spring of 89

Into my world came this buddy of mine

He is my buddy for all the world to see

This little buddy who’s eyes were looking up at me

As time went by and he started to grow

You could tell that one day he would be a Hero

Now that he is all grown up with a heart that is always aglow

I love my buddy more than he will ever know

My Buddy and my Hero is as refreshing as the morning dew

And he will always be My Buddy, My Hero, and My loving Nephew.


Chris, come back safely home to us. We love you.

The First Time by Kuyong Chuin (Pseudonym) July 14, 2005

The First Time
The first time I saw your face,
I thought, there is an Angel here in this place.
The first time I saw your smile,
I thought it would stretch a mile.
The first time I heard your voice,
I just knew I had no choice.
The first time you hugged my neck,
I thought I was going to hit the deck.
The first time you kissed my cheek,
I felt my knees go weak.
The first time you told me how you felt,
I thought my heart would melt.
Now I sit here feeling Glad,
Wondering what the next, first time, is to be had. 

Friday, November 5, 2010

This Special Person by Kuyong Chuin (Pseudonym) Friday November 5, 2010 09:36

There was this special person, that I once knew

This special person is an Angel, that much I know is true

This special person was a ray of light,

In the deepest and darkest of the longest night

This special person has had a very hard time I know

But this special person has more than enough love to bestow

This special person needs something too

And that is why I'll be here just to give it to you

This special person, this Angel, needs some love too

So you ask who this special person is to you

But this I thought you already knew

Then I look up into those eyes with mine filled with love

Don’t you know I say to this Angel from above

This special person is you and there is no other like you that I can ever think of

While you are away By Kuyong Chuin (Pseudonym) Friday November 5, 2010 04:45

While you are away and truly missed
We can not talk or even reminisce
But while you’re gone always remember this
Our thoughts and prayers that go out to you are there to send you bliss

When you return to our warm embrace
You will see you are in a wonderful place
For all those ones that you have set their hearts aglow
They will always love you more than you will ever know

There is an Angel looking down from above
Watching over you with their heart full of love
From now and until our family is all together once more
We will always be there for you, just open up the door    
For in this house is the family that truly you do adore
Filled with heart felt love to keep you safe and warm from now and forever more

We and the rest of your family miss you very much KAG

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I remember when By Kuyong Chuin (Pseudonym) Wednesday November 3, 2010 05:36

I remember when you first started to walk.
I remember when you started to talk.
I remember when got your first tooth.
I remember when you first became couth.
I remember when you would crawl up into my lap.
And soon become quiet for your long nap.
I remember when you when I used to tuck you into bed.
When you laid down your pretty little sleepy head.
I remember when I used to sing to you
But you were so cute what else could I do?
I remember when you’d put your little arms around my neck.
No matter what the heck.
I remember when you would come up and tell me “I Love You”
But as much as I remember I want you to remember too.
That I will always Love You Too.  

Written for my little hero that is now all grown up KB Guy.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I still see her standing there By Kuyong Chuin (Pseudonym) Monday November 1, 2010 05:55

I still see her standing there in my mind.
Her looking up at me with those eyes that was so kind.
I still feel her lovely arms wrapped gently around my neck.
While we held each other close with the pouring rain splashing on the deck.
I still feel the touch of her sweet lips against mine.
And I guess that I will till the end of time.

I still see her standing there with our love just starting to grow.
With me telling you that I love you more than you will ever know.
Two hearts that was forever broken when you had to go away.
The day you left, we both shared the tears together on that very sad day.
Never again for us to find, the love we lost and could never again find.
Will I ever find you and hold you in my arms again?
Or will my world finally come crumbling to an end?

I still see her standing there with her hands in mine.
With her tears running down her checks my heart breaking with every beat.
Hearts forever broken until we find, our hands back together yours inside of mine.
As I sit here thinking about the love we shared, my eyes start to water and I begin to weep.
True love is so hard to find, and when you do hold on to it till the end of time.
If I should never again find, my true loves hand inside of mine,
I’ll go to my eternal sleep, waiting till we again shall meet.

Forever and a Day by Kuyong Chuin(Pseudonym) August 2, 2002 00:53

Every time we have to part, you take a little piece of my heart.
But I don't mind because soon you will be mine.
If I had a wish and that wish came true,
I'd make that wish to always be with you.
Every time I see your face and my heart begins to race,
I soon wonder if it can ever keep up the pace.
So if you truly love me the way I know you do,
Take me to that very special place, where we both say our “I do's”.
And if you do what I want, the love will surly show,
when you look in the bassinet to see the little ones that we do begat
begin to grow. And when we are old and grey what will the people say?
There goes a love that will last forever and a day.

Till the end of time By Kuyong Chuin (Pseudonym) Written Summer 1988

Baby, I've got something to say,
And it just won't wait another day.
I just want you to know,
That I love you so,
And nothing is going to stand in our way
I want to hold you tight
In my arms tonight
And not let you go till the morning light
I'll Love you now and I'll love you when
life’s fleeting days shall end

Baby, you are the best part of my life
And I want you to be my wife,
And if you say yes,
We won't have to guess,
If we will be happy for the rest of our lives.
I want to hold you tight
In my arms tonight
And not let you go till the morning light
I'll Love you now and I'll love you when
life’s fleeting days shall end

Baby, when we are old and grey
I'll love you more than I do today.
So let it be told
That we was so bold
That we let nothing
Stand in our way.
I want to hold you tight
In my arms tonight
And not let you go till the morning light
I'll Love you now and I'll love you when
life’s fleeting days shall end
I want to hold you tight
In my arms tonight
And not let you go till the morning light
I'll Love you now and I'll love you when
life’s fleeting days shall end
And I will till the end of time.

The Wish By Kuyong Chuin (Pseudonym) June 12, 2004 15:27

If you could grant a wish for me,
Do you know what that wish would be?
I would wish that I could find
Someone even just half as kind
As you have been to me for all this time.
And If I could grant a wish for you,
Do you know what I'd wish for you?
I’d wish for you to find someone too,
That has twice the love I have for you.
But this wish would be hard to do,
Because I don't know how anyone
Could love you even half
As much as I love You

Sunday, October 31, 2010

The Dragon Master By Kuyong Chuin (Pseudonym)

The Dragon Master "working title"

A very tall and lean elf sits in the cool shade of a mighty oak tree deep in the forest. His shoulder length golden blonde hair and golden tan skin gleaming in the mid day suns heat. 

His lean and muscular body does not have the look of a Herculean type body of a strongman or body builder but more of a look of that of an Olympic swimmer or distance runner.

His elongated biceps, broad shoulders, expanded chest, washboard abs and golden tan skin gave him the looks of some Greek God of mythological origin, but still did little to reveal the even greater strength that lied beneath those hews of steel.

The strength of his heart and the compassion that he felt for the life of the world that he lived was beyond compare. Even more so was the strength of the magical powers that none but he knew that he possessed, hid mostly to hide his true heritage, underneath the black flowing hooded robes with gold trim that he wore over that massive God like body.

At this moment his robes laid beside him along with his other things he normally travels with, when he goes about in this large world of his. As he sat he closes his golden eyes and his mind drifts off into the past, his heritage, and how he came to be in this mess he now finds himself.

His Mother was an Elven Princess that fell in love with a majestic looking elf, which little that she knew was not an elf at all, but a gold dragon in Elven form.

The gold dragon had watched the Elven princess from a distance for a long time while still in dragon form when she went to the pool to bathe each day.

From his lair hidden in a cave about 25 feet above water level and behind the waterfall that flowed into the pool at the waters edge, he watched and became fascinated with this beautiful creature that came each day.

He then took Elven form to find out more about this pretty maiden that bathed by his lair as he looked on unbeknown to this gorgeously stunning Elven maiden that came there daily. What started out as fascination of this mighty golden dragon turned to love, as the dragon and the Elven princess got to know one another and fell in love with each other.

In a moment of passion the two made love for the first time near the small pool that the princess bathed each day. The Dragon so loved this Elven Princess that later, that same day, he prayed to his God and asked to remain an elf forever more, and lose all his dragon powers and abilities, his prayer was answered by his God at once and he was told he would remember his draconic language but in all else he would forever be an elf, he would also have to deal with any hardships that went with his request, for if it would ever become known that he was once a dragon there would be some that would seek to destroy him.

The dragon knew that once transformed he would be like any other elf and have Elven children like any other Elven family so the risk he thought would be minimal and it would never be known what he once was, only himself and his God would even know the truth, or so he thought.

The Dragon turned elf married the princess the next week, unbeknown to ether the Princess or the Dragon that the fair Elven Princess was already with child from their moment of unbridled passion.

Nether of them thought that their one time together a week before they was married and the only time they had made love before his transformation to an elf was made permanent, would be when the Princess would become a mother to be.

When the time came for the child to be born, both was surprised that there was not one child born, but two, twins, a boy and a girl. When they was first born the two children looked Elven in every way, in every way but one, they had eyes of golden color! Both the father and mother had golden blonde hair so that would be normal for the children to have golden blonde hair too.

The mother thought the eye color was abit odd but thought nothing of it, it just made them special and even more beautiful, but when the father saw those golden eyes he knew in his heart what had happened and the children were even more special than she even knew. He knew when they was alone that he would have to tell her the secret that he thought would never come to light, that they would live out their lives happy and safe in the city of the elves.

He now knew staying here would no longer be possible, that their lives would forever be changed by that one night of unbridled passion. He hoped that when he told her, that she loved him enough to forgive him for what had happened and still look and love him the same way as she did now before the truth was revealed to her. 

Without a heart By Kuyong Chuin (Pseudonym) 23:55 9-14-2005

When I awoke that morning, I thought it was just an ordinary day.
Little did I know that my life was going to change in every way.
When I walked it to that room and saw an Angel sitting there,
I could not help myself I just had to stare.
Could my tired eyes be deceiving me?
How could this Angel be sitting there staring back at me?
With her eyes sparking like the stars and a smile as bright
As a full moon on a clear and cloudless night
When I heard her first speak
No music could sound as sweet
When she walks is as if she is floating on air
For this Angel there is no compare
She is Angel sent from heaven above
Because there is no other that I can think of,
That can make my heart fill that way.
The love that she gives so generously
Has found its way into my heart with ferocity
What I though sealed forever more
Was opened as easily as a door
That she had the key
She reads me like an open book
But it is my heart that she took
Now I go from day to day
With my heart in her stay
The love from her that I seek
Is meant for another that is too weak
To give her the kind of love she seeks
For all this I know, but I am helpless to stave
I know that I will go to my grave
Without the heart, she took from me that day. 

People that are our Rays of Light and Hope By Kuyong Chuin (Pseudonym) 05:53 October 31, 2010

We all have had people that come into our lives at one time or another that has had a hand in shaping the person we are today. From the teachers that taught us in school, to the friends and people we have met while traveling this road of life that we are on. Some have changed our lives for the better. Some have changed our lives in such a way that we will never be the same for the good or the bad. Some have brought light and hope to our lives. While some have brought a never ending hurt, pain, and darkness to our lives that will never go away no matter how much we try to rid ourselves of it. Some days you want to just go to sleep and never wake up but it is the friends that bring you that light of hope and God that gets you through another day. For this we should all let those that bring this light and hope to you know how much we care about them and thank them for just being there even if they don’t know that they did anything at all let them know what they did for you and love them for it. And thank God each and every day for blessing you with those friends that brings you light and hope.
So to all those friends and family who bring me a ray of light and hope I say Thank you and that I will always love you for it.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Heartaches of the Tears and Secrets Fears By Kuyong Chuin (Pseudonym) 18:45 October 28, 2010

I have PTSD so a lot of the time I get somewhat emotional easily especially when I am low or out of my medication till I see the Doctor again like I am now. PTSD is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for those who don’t know what it stands for. So please bear through this with me.  I, like every one, have fears. We all do at one time or another. How we live with this fear is some of the hardest things we will ever do. You have to face them head on at times. And there are times that you do not know what to do to cope with these fears. And with that it brings on heartache more times than anything else. You can have a fear so bad that you want to tell someone about what is causing you this fear but you don’t know who you can talk to, someone who will understand what you are going through because they have been through the same thing and will be there for you just like you try to be there for them no matter what.
This fear is a secret, a secret that you have kept for about four decades because the fear that you have inside of this secret it eats away at your resolve to let it go and face your fear. You fear that if the fear is known, people will look at or treat you in a different way. It affects your relationships with those closest to you because this fear makes you over protective toward the ones you love. You want to wrap your arms around them holding them tight so no harm comes to them and not realizing that you are holding on too tight and causing to them a different type of hurt and fear because you are suffocating them in the process. This also causes your loved ones to think that you are weird and in turn pushes the ones you care about, love and need the most away from you when you need them the most.
All this brings the tears that you silently and alone bear so no one else feels your pain and learns the secret fear that you face alone each and every day of your life. The fear that makes you do things different from what you would normally do if you didn’t have this fear. When you are disabled as well and can’t do the things that you used to could do to made you happy it make things worse off for all evolved. When it is at a point that even traveling to see the ones you love is something that you can not do because the pain that you live with everyday it causes a different type of pain. It causes a heartache that is too much to bear without the friends and family that you love there for you for support. But, because of the secret fear that you live with it makes having that special friend that you really need harder to come by. When you have PTSD and seven herniated disk affecting the nerve roots of the spine this makes life and everything connected with it that much harder to bear the “Heartaches of the Tears and Secret Fears.”  

Sunshine and Princesses By Kuyong Chuin (Pseudonym) 10:45 October 28, 2010

I like to write things; stories, poetry, music, or just talking to friends. But this is going to be a first for me. I am starting this “blog” because for one I was inspired to write again after a long period that I just did not want or feel like writing anything. After something that happened this morning it suddenly I feel like writing again and what better way to start than by telling you about me reminiscing with old friends that I have not seen or talked with in almost three decades but remember them like it was yesterday. Well today that is what happened to me. I will not use real names without the subject of the stories approval. So for now I’ll just use nicknames that I always gave some of my friends even if some never knew that I had nicknames for them.

This morning I was on one of the social networks that I use to keep in touch with family and friends when I saw a name I had not seen in years even though I had tried to locate this friend a very long time ago right after she moved away to make sure she was ok and happy where they were living at now that they had moved. But back then we didn’t have the internet that we have today so I never was lucky enough to stay in touch with this wonderful person until now.

I will call her sunshine princess because that is what I called her then and if she ever reads this, just maybe she will remember that was what I called her, ether sunshine or princess even though she didn’t know why I had used these particular nicknames for her. Well almost three decades later she will now know the reasons behind them. I called her sunshine because her big bright smile, those sparkling eyes, and a personality that would bring a ray of sunshine into any ones life she came in contact with. I know she always brought a ray of sunshine to my little world every day that I saw her and that smile.  But she was always “Princess” to me as well. Not because of the contest that she won, but because she was someone that was so special she deserved to be placed on a pedestal or throne. Now she has her throne but she is no longer a “Princess”. She is now a “Queen” with a princess and a prince of her own and her King in her own little kingdom by her side.

Seeing her pictures and talking about old times brought a lot of fond memories but some painful ones as well. Something one of my Nieces posted but I don’t know if it was from her own sweet head or she read it somewhere, but it says it all. “God gave me you for good or bad, he gave me you to show me my past and the life that I now have, God gave me you to help me fight my tears and hide my fears so wherever you are and whatever you do always remember God gave me you...” 

That just about sums up the way I feel. Take “Sunshine” for example, I am glad that God allowed her to be a part of my life. Without ever knowing it she inspired me to try and to do things that I would have never tried if I hadn’t known her. The pain of losing her that day and not being able to see her smiling face and hear  her kind words when she had to move away was painful but it made me stronger person because of it. It made me strong enough to bare the pain of losing four of the people I loved most in the world when I lost all four within a few months of one another. She gave me the courage to say what I am feeling to someone before it is too late to do so.  She taught me to be strong and to comfort someone in their time of need, while putting on a “mask” hiding my own tears and fears to be strong for them when they needed someone. She did all this without ever knowing that she did this to all those around her that knew her best. She and others like her will always hold a very special place in the hearts of the ones that they changed the lives of without ever knowing what they did for us. For this I and other like me, will always Love these very special friends like “Sunshine”. We all need at least one “Sunshine Princess” in our lives. In her little kingdom there are at least three very lucky people to have that much “Sunshine” and a “Princess” that became a Queen in their lives.